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Wednesday, 24 January 2018

Why I Left University










This post has definitely been a long awaited one and it's something a lot of people aren't going to agree with. So generally at my age or when you're at college you get peer pressured into university, particularly by teachers and society in general. University has became the norm these days, I find a lot of people look down on you if you don't go. Personally I don't think university is for everyone or neither it "has" to be. Obviously I understand if you want to be something like a doctor you have to go. I want to make it clear now, i'm not trying to say university is pointless and if you're someone creative you shouldn't go, blah blah blah. I'm just trying to make people feel better in my situation or understand why I have taken this path.

Since I was at college I never decided if university was for me, I kinda boycotted the idea and did a foundation degree, mainly because I couldn't decide and to be honest I knew I didn't want to go. Generally I did my foundation degree because I felt like I "had to study".  I am definitely happy I did my foundation degree as it ended up being the best year of my life. During that time though there was extra pressure to go to university, a lot of our lessons ended up on trying to do university applications. I wasn't fond on the idea, but pressure made me feel like I had no choice. I kept questioning, what am I gonna do instead? Am I going to get anywhere in life if I don't go? I took a year out as I never decided, then the year went by and I still never decided. I remember the night before I was moving down I burst into tears because I didn't want to go. My mind kept telling me I have no choice, I have to go. 

I went to study Fashion photography at Falmouth University, I honestly HATED the idea of living in Falmouth but the course was perfect for me and I couldn't find any that suited me better. Honestly it doesn't matter how good the course is, if it's gonna be in an area that you don't like, don't even bother. Learn from Sapphire Needham's mistakes. Moving to Falmouth honestly destroyed my mental health. I was not in a healthy state. What made it worse was how it would take me between 8/12 hrs to get home and couldn't really afford to go home. I spent most of my days crying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't turn up to most of my lectures as I would always oversleep or just felt too depressed to go. It's weird I ended up sleeping all through the day and wake up in the evening and go to bed at 5 in the morning everyday, my sleeping pattern was fucked, to say the least. Most of the time I would put the absolute minimum amount of energy in my work because all I cared about was not failing. If you know me that's not who I am at all, with photography I usually pour my heart and soul into it, I usually try to do stuff I can't even do.  

Before university I never really suffered with panic attacks but I started to get very bad ones every time I went to a lecture. I remember at one point my leg was shaking so much, I had to hold it down with all my energy possible, it was beginning to scare me how much I was shaking. Most of the time I didn't know why I was having the panic attacks but it prevented me from going to most of my lecturers as it happened every time I went to one, I honestly couldn't cope with it. 

In general I think the whole pressure of going to university effected me a lot and the location. My whole time I was there I felt like I was stuck on a campsite and couldn't escape. Obviously some people would probably disagree as they may love Falmouth, but i'm more of a city girl and to be so far away from a big town, I did not enjoy that. I hated the fact I was missing out on so much exciting stuff, I love going to gigs, going to bars on the weekend. I missed Brighton, I needed somewhere like Brighton. I missed being in a town where everyone was so creative and so fun. Everything is on your doorstep and you have London which is just a short train journey away. 

A lot of people are going to pressure you into going to university, what I say is don't listen to anyone. Listen to yourself and do what you know is right for you. University is NOT the only path you have to success. Your mental health is far more important than anything. Quitting university was the hardest decision of my life, I felt like I was destroying my life by leaving. The looks people gave me when I said I was quitting, they looked at me like I just threw my life away. Honey my life is just getting started. Don't listen to anyone, do what is right for you. No path is the wrong path. 

I just want to add a little thank you to 3 people who actually made me have some good memories at university : Lauren, Venezia and Abi - seriously I don't know what I would of done without them.

On another completely random note, excuse how muddy my shoes are, I walked through some very unpleasant puddles in my lovely white shoes, ha ha ha - I feel greaaaaat.

If you're ever in a similar situation to me when it comes to university, you're always welcome to ask me for advice or just about my experience with it. I'm very happy to help. I've been there and it wasn't a pleasant decision, it was very tough for me to decide.



Top: Urban Outfitters | Polo Neck: Missguided | Dungarees: Urban Outfitters | Shoes : Urban Outfitters | 

1 comment:

  1. So proud of you for following your heart!! Glad you're making a decision that will make you so much happier xxx

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